Friday, 30 March 2012

just a few comments

I am doing well with my 200 mile challenge all things considered. I am now at 147 miles with a few days to go until the 7th April. I may not quite make 200 especially due to the calf injury I had but I am doing well and really enjoying it. I feel I've achieved alot. :)

I am noticing lots and lots of little things lately. I am not as stressed. I leave food on my plate. I enjoy my exercise. I feel calmer and don't let things get to me anymore, it just washes over and I move on.

I am beginning to think more carefully what I put in my mouth. Before it was healthy but now its healthier and I seem to be making more of a conscious effort :) not sure that makes sense but I know what I mean.

I no longer crave or seem bothered by sweet foods :) the sweet tooth pod really is working. I seem back on grapes and banannas if I need a snack :) I've even not bothered with yoghurts this last few days possibly because the ones I have are rather sweet and thats what I used them for :)

I can easily do the Leslye Sansone 2 mile DVD whereas I used to struggle to do the 2 miles and feel awful afterwards, now I love it, the time goes quick and I feel so good afterwards.

There have been cadburys Easter Eggs in the house for while now and I am not in the least bit tempted or bothered.  My chocoholic days are over ! No more flat packed easter egg boxes and replacing eaten eggs - now that feels good :D

I just generally feel so very good in myself, its like the longer I pod the better it gets :)

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Feeling amazing :)

I want to record this so I've pinched this post from my diary on Minimins :) This is how i've felt for a couple of weeks now so thought I'd share with you.

How do I feel today? I really do feel so positive. I have no food issues, I don't binge, I feel calm, I feel happy, I feel so so so positive its oozing from me, I have more confidence that improves daily, I no longer need or crave choccie, I no longer like crisps, sweet stuff is not bothering me at all now, I just eat my meals and stop when full. My meals are based on sw as I love that way of cooking as its healthy but I do not follow the plan, no longer emotionally eat , or eat as tired, stressed, bored, I eat because I am hungry. I enjoy my exercise - I can now do the 2 miles of Lesley Sansone walk aerobics and that 2 miles goes quick as I enjoy it , My head is totally in the right place, so I reckon the rest of my journey should be pretty good This week I really feel that sticking with the pods is paying off big time. Now if my scales would show all this too rather than just inches that would be even better but my theory is they have to soon don't they I am not bothered its laughable actually

This was the best thing that ever happened to me.

The sweet tooth pod - love it :) I was always a choccie girl (and crisps, and other rubbish) Choccie pod cured that. But I got in a little habit of fancying something sweet after a meal.  It was such a strong feeling and I wanted to get rid of it as I didn't need anything most of the time.  I never overate but I don't want a sweet tooth anymore.  Well I got the sweet tooth pod on the 22nd March.  Its kicked in really quickly, amazing pod. I no longer crave anything sweet. In fact I went to Waitrose last night for a few bits and pieces and nothing in the way of munchies jumped out at me. I had no temptation what so ever and the fab bit was that none of it bothered me anymore. I might as well have been browsing the potato isle (giggles) :) Another amazing pod from Thinking Slimmer. :)

Thank you Sandra, and thankyou Slimpod/Thinking Slimmer :) You are changing my life bit by bit :) Piece by Piece :)

Saturday, 24 March 2012

more ponderings

This week has been a week of learning.

After I ate the 6 malteesers and put the packet back later that night I finished the pack just to see if I could.  I guess testing the pods? Well I did finish them but I did not enjoy them, if that makes sense. I also ate a kinder buerno.  Normally doing this would have resulted in a binge on rubbish ie eat that sugary food crave more.  That day it did not :) In fact I learnt that it didn't bother me, it wasn't as yummy as I remembered it, so I learnt and moved on.

The following day I had two large waitrose cookies.  They were yummy but you know they made me feel sicky and full and bloated and down.  I got no kick out of eating them, I ate nothing after that, and learnt that sugary foods are not needed  'do it for me' anymore. Yes I could override the pods to a point BUT a) had to stop when full regardless of what the food was b)I still cannot binge :) this is amazing

This was me trying my utmost to self sabbotage. Lets face it I've perfected it and spent 20 years doing it lol, what I am trying to say is I no longer succeed :)

I am noticing my food is becoming healthier and healthier all the time, because I want it to be not because it has to be :) I am leaving food on my plate again more so must serve up smaller portions or the dog will get fat! I don't like that full feeling anymore. Someone lovely mentioned this yesterday that she didn't either and it reminded me that I didn't. I used to like the comfort of that 'overfull' feeling.. now I hate it :) So many little changes.

I truely feel I've learnt so much this week.

Today I got up. I felt bloated, fat and sad. Now in the past I'd have dwelled on this for days, bingeing, overeating, consoling myself with rubbish to make myself feel better. Today I had a shower and bleached the bath! Using that time to clear my mind, think things through.  So how do I feel now? Fine :)  Its done its dusted I'm not dwelling on it.

I want to declutter so today will the be the lounge. I am yet to do it but I plan to :)

Someone mentioned panic attacks yesterday and I thought 'oh my goodness, I've not had any!' how cool is that ? I hadn't realised hadn't noticed but looking back its been a while. I also used to feel so anxious about everything, shopping, walking, talking to people, vets, everything, you name it I found something to worry about and work myself up about, I haven't been doing this either :)

I truely believe for some of us theres such alot of 'head' stuff to sort out before the weight can come off. Afterall that weight has been our comfort for years. We've hidden behind it. IF it just fell off would we cope. I for one would not have done.  I really feel these pods have cleansed my mind, built up my confidence, they are giving me other ways to cope with stuff, so in theory now the weight and sizes can go down as I no longer feel the need to comfort myself in this way :) Its like a weight has been lifted and all this clicked while I was bleaching the bath, sorting out my thoughts and it was like a lightbulb moment... I don't need to hide behind my blubber anymore I want to emerge from it and enjoy my life again. I CAN DO THIS!

I speak up for myself. Before I wouldn't have dreamt of doing so. I'd have wanted to fade into the back ground but not now I say no to things that I want to, I say if I don't agree with something, and I say if I don't want to do something.  I also have a fear aggressive dog, its very hard to live with but in control at home and on walks but vets is a nightmare. This week we walked down there the main road way, coped well, went in, spent 40 mins there and I calmly told the vet how I felt, that I needed support, what I needed and she helped. In the past I'd have been a quivering wreck :) I left feeling I had achieved something and someone had listened to me and what I needed.

People are starting to notice my shape changing and my confidence. At first I still wanted to hide behind my big clothes and keep quiet but I don't seem to anymore. Its a good feeling.

I am feeling really focused and determined. I WILL DO THIS!

I am adding this on the end as this week is all about lessons learnt.  A couple of weeks ago i bought a Greggs sausage roll. I took one bite and all I could taste was grease and seriously could not eat it.

Well today we've been busy all afternoon so had fish and chips.  I had fish cake and chips. Again all I could taste was grease but they werent that greasy. I ate some and stopped, as it was just too much of a greasy taste. I was physically sick within 5 mins of eating it and now feel awful, my mouth feels and tastes likes I've chewed a block of lard... horrible, but OMG go slimpod!

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Chocolate in moderation!

OMG I just had to record this!

I am trying hard not to squeak with excitement here.... I have not had chocolate for over 6 weeks now. Haven't wanted it, needed it, fancied it :eek: I was a chocoholic. Honest big time. I have just fancied a few malteesers. So I mindfully ate some. I had six. I then folded up the packet and popped them away as if this was normal for me to do :eek: :squeak: :squeal: woohoo this girl has just learnt moderation and chocolate in the same sentence !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot tell you how good this feels. I've always had a real issue with chocolate.  I've gone from eating tonnes, to eating some, to eating none, to now being able to eat just a little if I fancy it!

So any chocoholics out there considering trying the Chunky Chocolate Cure pod, GO FOR IT!

If it can sort me out it can sort anyone out!

Thursday, 15 March 2012

I am in control!

woohoo woohoo

fab couple of days. My calf is better so back to walking, being careful and not overdoing it but its so good to be exercising again :) :eek: did I just say that! OMG who would have thought a couch potato like me would a) get a calf injury b) miss exercise (rolls on floor laughing)

I have heard the 'I am full signal' loud and clear the last two days. To the point I cannot eat another mouthful once full. :) Its a fab feeling :)

Yesterday I walked 3 miles and then a further 2 with the dog :)

Today I managed 3 miles with the dog.

Today I also said no to biccies and cake even though I had not had brekkie. I didn't fancy them. I still walked the dog despite being out all morning, work to do etc, when before that would have been a good excuse not too !

I didn't think about food all day or yesterday other than my meals.

Tonight I made a curry from scratch.  Now in the past this would have been a heap of rice and curry. Eat till stuffed and past stuffed. Today I had a heap of veggies, small spoon of rice :eek: and small helping of curry. I left 90% of the rice as I was full :)

All these little changes add up to a much bigger picture :)

I no longer just say yes to everything because I feel I should. If I don't want to do something I say :eek:  I feel so much better for it too :)

Half of me wishes I could fast forward to later this year to see where I am but the other half of me wants to experience every step of this journey because I am loving all the little changes.

I have also made some amazing friends through slimpod, people that have helped me through the difficult times, picking me up when I'm down, encouraging me, motivating me,helping me to get my head in the right place. I can't thank them enough and each and everyone of them knows who they are.

These pods are literally changing my life bit by bit. Piece by Piece. Its like a huge jigsaw, I think i've said that before but it really is, everything gradually clicking into place .

I can't wait to see what the new Jackie is like later this year!

Monday, 12 March 2012

Lets start off the week with a list of positives!

Well I'm starting the week with a list of positives.

1) I am normal around food for the first time in 20+ years and I love it! Its quite liberating actually

2) I feel I can announce number 1 as its been a few weeks now not just a one off day

3) I haven't binged since before xmas

4) I haven't eaten or wanted to eat crisps for 3 months now

5) I've not wanted or eaten choccie for over 4 weeks now :eek: biggie for me as chocoholic. always eaten loads of it.

6) I have not comfort of emotionally eaten for several weeks even when under terrible stress, upset or over tired and believe me i've had all 3 lately.

7) I am really missing my exercise due to my calf injury but looking forward to my walking and DVD again soon

8) My confidence is returning more and more daily its lovely

9) I've been looking at size 14 clothes for when I finally get there sometime this year

10) my size 20 goal jeans are really loose

11) I like myself

12) I no longer look in the mirror and feel sick I look and see the changes and can't wait to see more

13) I feel so in control around food, I just eat what I fancy and when I am hungry, I eat with my family, and make sensible choices most but not all of the time, when I have a takeaway I have no guilt I enjoy it.

14) Life is for living

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Saturday 10th March

Well unfortunately despite rest my calf is not better. :( I just took the dog for a short walk and before I got to the end of the road had problems. So guess a longer rest needed :(

This sets me right back on my 200 mile challenge.  Even if I can start again on Monday (unlikely) I'd have to average 5 miles a day which is a lot to fit in around work, kids etc.

I shall see how my calf is and decide Monday. IF necessary I guess the best option is to extend the date of the challenge so that I can still have a chance to complete it?

Who would ever have thought a couch potato like me would miss exercise! or even get an injury in the first place lol !

I feel totally normal around food. Its so lovely just to eat what I fancy and stop when full. No 'oh can't have that' or 'shouldn't have that'.  Just made a lovely low fat fruit cake and totally enjoyed a slice.

I just go with what I fancy now. Most of the time its the healthy option totally through choice and occasionally its something not so healthy but no guilt :) Bottle that feeling. 

Its really is the best feeling in the world not to be dieting. 20+ years of calories, syns, points, starving, binging, stuffing face with choccie, and its all over. :) Fantastic.  I haven't binged since before Christmas. Couldn't if I wanted to as once full, yes sometimes I can eat past full a little, but only a little or i'd feel stuffed and ill.

I don't even look at the snacky foods anymore. They just don't interest me. I find myself grabbing a bananna if I fancy something, or a shape crumble yoghurt, or a handful of grapes.  Easter should be interesting this year! Last few years I've bought eggs and had to replace them so many times. I keep finding empty boxes that I flat packed around the house (hidden) to put out for recycling and forget :( I was terrible. I had a real thing with cadburys.  Couldn't get enough of it. Not had any for a few weeks now and don't miss it :eek: Its a strange feeling where we can have chocolate in the house and it doesn't call me anymore :)

I do need to stop turning to bread as a quick brekkie and lunch. Too much bread bloats me and just doesn't agree with me so I am trying to go back to porridge for breakfast so that I can have toast etc at lunches if I need to.

I stick cook most meals the sw way. ie main meals. SW chips are the best. I just don't follow any plan anymore.  I have reverted back to using olive oil some of the time and full fat mayo. Why not? A little of what you fancy does you good because this girl understands 'moderation' now :) woohoo what a fab feeling is that. I can be trusted around food :)

Friday, 9 March 2012

A strange day

Well yesterday was a very odd day. I decided to blog about it as in many ways looking back on it it was quite funny.

I woke feeling hungover yet hadn't had a drink. Felt like it all day so it was a bad start to the day.  Then I committed a cardinal syn and stepped on the scales as you do.... they were 3lb up again.  So I let the scales decide my mood for the day = grumpy.

So I feel hungover, and grumpy - what shall I do.

I decide a walk will clear my head and my grumpyness so I set off.

I go to Tesco Express and my feet take me to the choccie isle. I stood there several minutes eyeing up the choccie, sweets, cakes etc.... Do I want any?  I mean I'm tired, I feel hungover, I feel grumpy so bit of comfort eating?? My mind says no!  I keep looking a while longer, but no apparently I don't need this rubbish..

So I move to the savoury isle. I do the same with the crisps etc. But again no apparently I don't want them.

I leave empty handed.  Well I come home with hot cross buns.

I eat two hotcross buns at 11 as a late brekkie.  mmmm norty food. I have to leave half of the second one as I am full.

I still feel hungover and grumpy and its like how do I console myself?? I mean I've perfected the art of emotional eating for 20+ years what do I do. I pace the kitchen, fidget, call a friend.  Still the same. Its now 2pm.  Still not hungry. I have a boiled egg. lol

So I collect my little girl from school.Come home and make them pizzas for tea.  Do I want one? Nope :eek:

So I make their pizzas and spot a Gregg's sausage roll I'd cooked for number 2 son. mmmmmm comfort food. I bite into it, yack yack yack too greasy. Dog eats the rest.

Tea time - I have slimming world chips made with chipped potatoes, a dash of olive oil, a crumbled stock cube baked in the oven, and whats left of yesterdays  cauliflower cheese. I have to leave half my tea as full.

So I didn't manage to emotionally comfort eat despite trying LOL

It was so funny looking back at yesterday as I really didn't know what to do with myself. So do these pods work??? YES YES YES

on another note - this couch potato has a calf injury! who would have thought it the girl who has always been allergic to exercise has hurt her calf exercising. So my 200 miles in 46 days is on hold for now until it heals :(

Monday, 5 March 2012

Feeling really positive, calm and happy

As the title says, I feel so positive, calm and happy.

I feel my confidence is really returning and its a lovely feeling.  I tried my size 18 Next Jeans on today that are my next target.  I can do them up.  Way too tight but its a start, so that was a good feeling as I can see me achieving my next goal fairly soon :)

I also feel that now that I eat normally, healthily and exercise I really can achieve my ultimate goal to be a size 14 in Next clothes by 21st November :) I mean there is nothing stopping me is there?

Its liberating not to be on a diet it really is. I have no wagon to fall off, no good or bad foods, its lovely. Its like this enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I have also noticed that my asthma is pretty much non existant now, I feel far better health wise and exercise wise. I don't get out of puff so easily. My leggings and jeans are baggy, even some of my tops are :)

I am loving the TTapp DVD step away the inches. Its about 2 miles in total and some cardio but no aerobics. Its the best thing I've ever found. I love it and not had backache, neckache or legache since starting in February.  I am leaving the other DVD I got from TTapp for when I am a little more subtle and lost abit more weight as tried abit of it this morning and it just wasn't for me yet.

Its funny when I got the Step Away the Inches DVD I could barely manage the first 10 mins. Now I manage the full DVD which is about 23 mins and enjoy it plus I am really noticing the inch loss. Very clever and so glad I found it.

Food is now at the back of my mind and I feel totally in control. If I am hungry I eat and I listen to what my body wants. If I'm not hungry I don't eat for the sake of it. If someone offers me something I really don't want I politely say no. I don't have it for the sake of it, have it so not to offend, eat it just because its there. Again this is a lovely feeling too. :)

I could never diet again.  This works and I love it.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Pod waffles

I feel I am proof its worth the persevering even when we feel the odds are stacked against us I promised 6 months so even when I faltered, had bad days, I reminded myself of this. At 44 and having been large for the last 20 years I felt 6 months was nothing compared to the yoyo of dieting. I can now happily say I WILL NEVER DIET AGAIN its a lovely feeling. I now eat normally. It all suddenly clicked.

I have never once not listened to my pods. I did play around with the positives in November December but since 11th January I have podded 100% (which isn't hard it just takes abit of dedication and mind searching on bad days. Since that day I can hand on heart say it all clicked in to place very very quickly. But I think we all have a certain journey before we get to that point. Then suddenly  you will look back and see some big changes you missed (I did) ie no longer binge, it just happened yet for a while I did do it every now and again, ie not eaten crisps (didn't notice for about 3 weeks) then no choccie I mean this was a serious choccieholic (i didn't notice for 2 weeks).... Sometimes we don't see it for a while. Sometimes if we have a bad day we dwell on that and forget the other lovely little positives. Its human nature. I am however, totally convinced, knowing how I was that anyone that does it properly will get there and once its clicked so long as we carry on for long enough then we can only succeed.

I really do eat normally. Yesterday for example

brekkie 2 brown seeded toasted, lean bacon, mushrooms,

lunch - 2 hot cross buns, and olive spread

tea - chicken chorizo paella

snacks - 1 bananna, 1 shape crumble yoghurt

Now thats not an ideal choice to show you but i'm not on a diet so why not. I don't eat hot cross buns for lunch everyday but i did yesterday because its what I fancied. I often have a jacket potato and beans, salad, etc etc. I have what I fancy for each meal

I never overeat anymore. I just stop when full. I had just one hot cross bun to start with but was still hungy so had the second and had to leave just 2 bites

I don't crave anything anymore ie norty foods. They seriously don't bother me anymore. IF I wanted some i'd have some but at the moment I just don't

The fit pod has been life changing for me too. I enjoy the exercise I do. I don't do it because I have to , or make myself do it I just do it because I want to with a smile on my face

Even when desperately tired I exercised. Even yesterday when I was going to have a day off as felt ill, I walked 3 miles But I wanted to

I think this is the hardest bit to explain to someone who hasn't used the pods. I do things through choice not because I am on a plan, need to do it, there is no pressure I chose to do it, now that for me is life changing.

My confidence is returning, you can hear it in my voice when I talk. Others have noticed this too. I am proud of how far I have come and so happy and the best bit for me is that I know more is to come and hopefully will feel more of a butterfly than a moth

So I tried size 18's nowhere near ready for them yet, but my family (well the ladies) are seriously thigh, bum, belly... well I can see mine going but theres a fair bit of melting to go

BUT its not worrying me because I was at that stage with size 22 to a 20 only mid January and my mid february size 20 fits beautifully and many too baggy So size 18 watch this space. I have given myself till May. I am confident I will get there before May