Saturday 27 October 2012

Refocus, set those goals, find those positives

Okay so I've been quiet for a while. I had a huge blip. Been feeling like a failure if I'm honest. I no longer felt in control and just seemed to totally override all the hard work the pods were doing. I was rebelling I guess. My rebellious stage has cost me as I've gained 11lb. I felt so gutted and upset, but its done isn't it? I can't change the fact its done but I can change it and get back into this :)  I feel deflated and need to somehow refocus. I post a positive post it results in self sabotage  I set a goal - I self sabotage or rebel. I just need to take it a day at a time with no pressure. Its the only way it works for me but somehow I am struggling to get back in the zone.

I have found a few things happen on this journey so I am guessing I really do still have emotional eating issues as if the going gets tough - I eat.  When this happens I tend to override the full signal and just keep going.  :(

The last couple of weeks I've felt more focused again though, still listening to my pods daily, finding my positives daily I just need to pod on with no pressure.  I think with my wedding anniversary looming and still a size 18 I began to feel a failure. But thinking about it I've achieved so much in this last year of slimpoddding, in fact I believe its a year ago today since I started listening. I've faced many fears, dealt with so much and have a far more healthy relationship with food.   I haven't binged since before xmas. Yes I've overeaten but not binged. Theres a huge difference. I also used to graze all day, constantly wondering what I could have to eat, stuffing my face with chocolate at the slightest chance.  95% of the time I just eat when I am hungry. I have the odd picky day but food isn't the first thing I think about. In fact today is testament to that. Its now 1.15 pm and I'm only just having some toast and peanut butter. I simply haven't felt hungry until now and haven't needed any food (eek)  I have felt more in control again and its down to 'no diet head'.  Diet head seems to rear its head every few weeks and cause havoc. Then it goes again and I feel so calm, positive and in control its fab. If my mind is occupied food is now furthest from my mind.

I'm not getting as much exercise as my son broke his leg badly and is home and in a full leg plaster. I am finding it hard to adjust to it all so I'm setting myself a mini challenge to at least take Carla once a day for a  minimum of 30 mins while he is still home as this is long term as at least 5.5 more weeks at home.

I need to look back and see that although I haven't lost tonnes of weight, although I've had a fair few blips this one being the worst, I have still achieved alot. I have still lost alot of inches, I now like exercise when I can find time, I have a far better relationship with food, I have regained alot of my confidence, I am calmer, happier, I am more positive whereas in the past I was terribly negative, so many changes.

So I am going back to basics today. I am sitting here listening to my slimpod as I type this as been struggling to listen properly due to so much going on and so tired or being interrupted   I am going to write down my positives (I've been doing this every day anyway) and need some goals as I've failed at them :( this hurts but I am going to move on from this and set some new ones.

My new goals

1) To be in my size 16 jeans for xmas day - my 18's are mega tight again
2) To be in size 14 jeans end March
3) To do 30 mins exercise each day even if its just walking Carla


So how will I reach my first goal

1) I will listen to my slimpod, fitpod and choccie pod daily
2) I will do 30 mins exercise a day
3) I will eat mindfully at each meal listening for the full signal
4) I will drink more water

I am not sure if my first goal is realistic or not as its only 8 weeks and I've a long way to go but we will see. I wish self sabotage would go away. I hate it. It drags me down constantly. Maybe its simply years of dieting and failing that make me this way?


2 comments:

  1. Hugs chica - as Emmy says
    "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
    So get back up and carry on

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  2. Hey Jackie, good to see you're still there - missing you on the forums. You will get over this blip - you know what you need to do, and you're doing it. {{{{Jackie}}}}

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