Friday, 26 April 2013

Old Jackie - New Jackie

I was thinking this morning. What was I like before slimpod? What words would have described 'Old Jackie'  Well meet old Jackie - here she is

What was she like?
Well she didn't accept just how big she was. She refused to buy anything bigger than a 22 so she always wore black stretchy pull on slacks (that were so tight they fitted like leggings) and big baggy tops. You would have thought that the fact there were actually only one pair of size 20 type trousers that fit her would make her realise she wasn't a size 20-22 wouldn't you, but no she lived in denial and wondered why no shops clothes fitted her!!   A month into slimpod she couldn't understand why the size 20 jeans she'd bought didn't fit. She looked up her measurements on various stores to find actually she was in a fact a large size 26 nearer to a 28 squeezing into stretchy size 20-22! So no wonder it took a long time to reach her first goal as she didn't have half a size to drop but several!!!
She had no confidence. Hated going out. Had a huge Jackie book of excuses for any occassion to ensure she didn't have to. Working at home made it easy. She had no energy, was totally allergic to exercise in fact alwas joked with friends that she was allergic to it.  She ate massive portions. She inhaled her food.  She didn't have a full signal she was a binge eater you see. Getting comfort from feeling so full :( She thought of food all day. It was always on her mind. Dieting didn't work for her as the minute a food was banned or had to be synned etc it became irresistable. She weighed at least twice a day. Just incase she'd lost a sneeky pound. Chocolate was her friend. Eating 6 or more bars at a time.  If it was 3 for a £1 she'd buy 6 or 9.... eating them one after the other and hiding the wrappers.  She'd still eat her meals as thats what one did at meal times. She was always eating.  Believed she was destined to be fat forever really as its in her genes isn't it? Big boned. Had 3 kids. You name it.
She hated herself.  She treated herself with food, consoled herself with food, food was everything.  She suffered badly with asthma, out of puff just walking up the stairs, sore skin where it over hung. She was totally unfit.  She was out of puff, no energy to do anything with the kids. I mean getting out of the chair was an effort!  Walking the dog was stand in the park and throw the ball or wander round at snails pace.
She was a stress head. Always wound up.  Always had a short fuse. So negative.  Everything was negative. Nothing was ever right.
Whats new Jackie like?
Shes got a 'real smile'. Shes lost more or less all her chins. Shes now a comfortable size 18 heading for a size 16 for the first time since her eldest was a baby (hes nearly 21)!  Shes got confidence! She exercises regularly.  Shes no longer a dustbin, she can eat when hungry and stop when full. Shes not binged for 14 months now.  She makes healthy choices 90% of the time because she wants to rather than feels she should. No foods are banned.  Most days she doesn't think about food until her tummy rumbles! Yes its remembered what hunger feels like.  It tells her when hungry! She tries new foods each week. She has energy. Shes positive. Shes calm. She exercises regularly.  Shes lost count of how many inches shes lost but her tummy was 58inches its now 43inches. Her waist was about 47 ish its now 38. 
She feels alive. She even likes herself now. She realises its inevitable she'll reach her goal of a size 12/14.  Shes faced many demons head on. Made little changes. Remember each little step soon adds up and makes a bigger one :)
Anything is possible.  There is no failure only feedback.  Anything more than nothing.  Every movement is exercise.    Thinking slimmer becoming slimmer. Nothing needs to be easy just possible.
Her favourite slimpod sayings :)
My journey hasn't been fast but its been life changing. There is no quick fix but there is a permanent one. I can't tell you how glad I am that I never gave up.  I face each issue as it arises. If I can't deal with it on my own I ask for help. I then move on.  Thats what its all about isn't it?  Succeeding.  Moving on. Making lifestyle changes. 
And I have achieved all this simply by listening to slimpod. I do not follow and never ever plan to follow any diet plan :)
So if you feel like giving up think again.  Ask yourself what that was all about... Pick yourself up and dust yourself down and just keep going.  We all have different days. I still do.  But thats what they are different days. I leave them where they belong, in the past, and move on to the next brand new bright sun shiney day :)
I've never felt happier. I've never felt more confident. Yep I get low days but there is always someone there to pick me up, remind me how far I have come, and to show me theres a light at the end of that tunnel.
Believe in yourself and anything is possible !


Tuesday, 16 April 2013

I'm Okay

Gosh 3 blog posts in 3 days! Whats wrong with me. I have blogging itis!!

I'm okay - today is the anniversary of losing my lovely Dad. In the past a real day of sorrow, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling utterly miserable actually.

Today feels more like a day of reflection. A 'thinking' day if that makes sense. Thinking how proud he would be of what I've achieved.  His funny little grin. The way he was always there even though at times that was annoying hehehehehe it was knowing he was always there.  Text or ring him for something and he might moan, but he'd usually do it. Just want to rant to him, he'd listen, probably rolling his eyes and thinking 'doesn't she go on' but he'd listen. Used to ring me first thing every morning to check up on us. Those early morning calls used to drive me crazy, getting kids ready, trying to get dressed and that damm phone would ring. I miss those calls alot not.  Whats that saying 'you don't appreciate what you've got until its gone' how true is that ?

In the past I'd have binged for weeks prior to today. Good excuse really. Feeling emotional, allowed to eat thats right isn't it? I seriously did do this. On the day eat crap all day, as allowed, as feeling miserable. I'd probably have started the day with a couple of packets of crisps and a choccie bar or six.

Whats different?? I am different. I don't need to do this anymore. I can reflect if I want to.  I can eat if I want to. So far today I've had 3 coffees! So I'll be on a high later as I love a large large mug and real coffee first thing. Its my fix for the day! Has to be in my favourite Eeyore mug cos I never grew up. Had this mug for years and love it. Its huge!

this is 'the' mug. Gloomy eeyore. I'm not gloomy but I love eeyore!
So I started writing this earlier this morning. Then the BT man arrived to connect us to Infinity. That word always makes me giggle as I think of 'To Infinity and Beyond'! Buzzlightyear hehehehehe
Its now 12.15pm and I'm only just beginning to get hungry (eek!) Old Jackie would have had snacks galore by now but I find these days the rumbly tummy makes me think 'oh yes I'm hungry' hehehehehe
Oh and before I sign off, this serial scale hopper is no more. They are out in our tiny bathroom all the time. I used to get on them several times a day, I mean a wee could mean they go down half a pound couldn't it! hehehehehe.  I no longer weigh.  I last weighed 1st February. I no longer feel the need to. I have no idea what I weigh but I don't care anymore because I am happy. I am happy in my own shrinking slowly skin :) Remember folks the tortoise always wins. Its not a race. Its not a competition. It really doesn't matter who gets there first. Just remember follow the three golden rules and its simply 'inevitable' you will get there :)
Happy Tuesday xxxxxxxxxx

Monday, 15 April 2013

The next 6 weeks

So I set my next six week goal. Its to get into my size 16 Next jeans.  I might be pushing my luck this time. I've not been a size 16 since I had Matt and hes nearly 21! BUT I am so focussed right now :) I feel amazing. I can feel my shape changing. I can see my shape changing! Normally I look in the mirror and see a pregnant tellytubby, well thats what I used to call myself, but nope not anymore. I really can see whats happening wooohoo!  I will be wearing those jeans!!  A month today :)

So how will I achieve this? Pretty much the same as last time really.

Walk Carla each day at lunchtime - a nice brisk walk - she likes fast walking does Carla hehehehehe

Continue my mindful eating

Continue my TTapp every other day

Do my easy Mummy tummy breathing exercises (yes I know my youngest is 9 but I still have a terrible mummy tummy)

Wear my size 18 Joe Browns top (the one I got into for end of March) and actually feel good in it - I achieved that this weekend. It fits lovely, its clingy, but I love it and most of all I feel amazing in it!

Drink more water

Do more with the kids

I feel so confident these days.  I had zero confidence. The confidence pod has worked wonders on me. I still get apprehensive over things but I do them, I don't look up the jackie book of excuses and back out. I do it!   I feel good in my own skin for the first time in years.  I like me!

I made soda bread at the weekend. Healthy bread. Its yummy.  I wasn't hungry last night and we were having a snacky tea and I fancied soup and soda bread.  I actually had to leave some bread and the slices were small!  I only had 2 of them. Old jackie would have had at least 4 that size. But my full signal kicked in.  OMG its strong these days. I hear it instantly.

People that haven't seen me for ages ask what diet I am on lol.  What plan am I following? I'm not. I never diet anymore. I don't eat diet food either. I eat exactly what I fancy and stop when I'm full. Yes thats right - exactly what I fancy. :)

My cravings for rubbish have pretty much gone now. I have days I have to have chocolate so I simply have it. I might have a day when OMG that hot cross bun is calling me and I'll have it. BUT I don't then eat lunch just because its lunchtime, tea just because its teatime.  I only eat when hungry. Yes I sit down with the others to meals. Most of the time I eat what they do too. If I don't fancy it, I have what I do fancy. No diet yoghurts OMG I used to live on muller lights just because they were free on slimming world. No weighing anything. No thinking 'mmm how many syns' or OMG I ate a hot cross bun my diet is over! I can eat that hot cross bun guilt free. I never beat myself up about food. I just eat it. Thats what food should be all about. Not a emotional tool just food.

I used to use food for

consoling myself
treating myself
shoving down every emotion you could think of
because I was tired
because I'd been weighed and could binge for two days
just because I could

I no longer have that emotional attachment to food. Its simply fuel and I enjoy it but I know when to stop.

Remember I used to be a binge eater. I used to be an emotional eater. I used to spend my whole day thinking of food. I used to eat food secretly. I grazed all day.  I never shared chocolate I hid it and inhaled it in private.

Friday I shared chocolate with the kids. I gave them 'my' chocolate. It just doesn't have that emotional pull anymore. I still love it but don't have it every day, just sometimes.

I used to spend my life worrying what others thought of me. Would I offend them?  Really I kept out of most peoples way as it was the easy option. Can't be judged then can I?

What a difference 15 months can make :)

When I started I'd have told you I was a size 20 top, 22 bottom.... I looked back at my measurements and I was in fact a size 26 squeezed into very very stretchy size 20/22's :(  No wonder it took me a while to reach my goal of a pair of size 20 jeans thinking I was dropping one size!!!!!  when in fact I was dropping 3 :) I've now dropped 4 dress sizes :)

I feel alive, lifes for living, I'm living it, and I'm loving it, are you?

I am so focused right now and I'm painting the world with pink fluffy positiveness!

My 6 week goal journey

I set myself a six week goal (14th February) to get back into my Next size 18 jeans and my new Joe Browns size 18 top by the end of March. My goal was to wear them both when I chat with Sandra on the 29th March.

The jeans were way too tight on the legs and the top looked like someone had spray painted it on! It was crazily tight!

So how would I achieve this?

The plan of action was 'I will exercise regularly (Walking Carla, TTapp, Treadmill), Listen to my slimpod daily, find my 3 positives. Gradually change what we eat, eating less and less processed foods. To eat mindfully.  Eating mindfully is something thats taken me a long time to master but I've pretty much mastered it.  You eat slowly and savour each mouthful. You only eat. You don't look at the pc, watch the tv, read a book or a magazine you simply eat.  This way you hear that full signal quickly or can practise hearing it. Once you've got the hang of this that full signal is really easy to recognise. Experiment with recipes and try new ingredients.

Who would help me?

My slimpod family, Sandra, Carla (hehehehhe) and mainly me :)

So the world was against me. I actually had a terrible 6 weeks life wise. We had to have the house rewired around us, a new boiler fitted. Life was upside down. Then as if we didn't have enough to cope with my middle son aged 16 who had broken his leg back in October just wasn't healing. He'd been in cast for 5 months. He went for his check up and they decided enough was enough an operation was in order. Normally the stress of all of this, worrying, rushing around would have meant I turned to food. But I didn't!  I was stressed up to the eyeballs. 

I continued to fit in my TTapp every other day (after completing the 14 consecutive days), I walked Carla when I could, and I ate mindfully.

Chris went in for his op and had to stay in much longer than planned which meant added stress, lots of tooing and frowing to hospital to visit and less time at home to plan meals.

I had the most terrible phobia of hospitals. Really bad. Hated even the smell of them, just the thought of visiting or going to one gave me panick attacks and palpitations. How on earth was I going to cope?

I did cope. I was amazed. I visited twice most days, sometimes staying there in between and going to the coffee shop for a coffee before going back to visit, as visiting hours were stupid 3-4 and 6-7. This meant by the time we got home it was time to come back again :(

One of the funniest things was my hubby. We'd be in the coffee shop and he'd have a cake , I sometimes had one, but one day I said I didn't want one. He said 'you don't have an eating disorder now do you? (eek) I mean I love you no matter what size you are you must eat!! Honestly I've never found something so funny in my life!  Me??? An eating disorder, if I had one it would be for eating lots not less!  When we got home he'd eat as 'he'd not had tea' I mean you simply have to have tea don't you?  Well sometimes I wasn't hungry and sometimes I had just a little ie a sweet potato as a jacket potato and salad, that kind of thing. Again the comments that I'm just not eating enough! I simply wasn't hungry and didn't feel I wanted to eat anymore when not hungry!

I eat normally now.  I simply eat when hungry stop when full. I exercise regularly too. In the past I always joked that I was allergic to exercise but actually it was simply finding an exercise that suited my lifestyle. I've found that now - TTapp and walking. I love both. :)

So did I reach that target? Oh yes I did! I think I was just so focused and determined! and I've set myself similar goals for the 15th May (but that will be another blog post - to get into my size 16 Next jeans)

I feel amazing. I feel so calm, happy, smilie, confident. Believe = Achieve. You simply have to believe in yourself and you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Watch out World here I come!

Not a brilliant photo but heres me in my size 18 outfit.  The top is even looser now, in fact I'm wearing it today :) in the past stripes going round were a no no. OMG I'd have looked like one of the Fimbles :)  My mojo is well and truely back and I'm just so happy!