All About Me!

Whenever I hit a blip for whatever reason I look back at pictures. I actually hate having my photograph taken! Always have. But pictures tell a story don't they. Here I am hiding behind a) my hair b) my dog! and looking at the dog so as not to look at the camera. I hate this photo. Was it taken from an iffy angle? Nope all the photos that day are just as bad. Yep I really did look like that! eek!

Then I found this picture

Look sideways Jackie don't look at that camera. I lived in black. I thought I looked slimmer! As one does.

The hair is off my face abit though, not totally hiding behind it.

Then I start my slimpod journey and here I am 

The slouched shoulders, no confidence.

Then today

Whats different?? I've come out from behind the hair, I'm actually looking at the camera as I took this picture. And look at the smile. That real smile :)

Have I reached my target yet? Nope a fair way to go. But I am not recognizable as the woman I was before. I walk tall. No slouched shoulders. I smile alot more.  I am far far happier.

Yes my stomach feels huge at the moment. Its partly hormonal that's for sure but we won't go into that, its all part and parcel of being a woman!  Its been this way 2 months now and I let it get me down but why? Its me isn't it? Its just how it is? Why am I so bothered?? I felt a failure again. Yep that blooming word failure. Why oh why does that word come up so much ? I guess because its my belief. I believe I am a failure. So lets change that word forever shall we??

F  = FRIENDS = I've made some fantastic friends on my journey

A = ACTION = move that body for a better body - I move around more now

I = INSPIRE = I inspire some people to keep going

L = LIKE = I like me again!

U = UNDERSTAND = I understand what others are going through and love to help

R = REAL = I have a real smile

E = EYES = I have pretty eyes

The other thing is I have spent the last few years thinking I look gross. Disgusting. Quick hide behind as many clothes as possible. I've spent ever summer in leggings. Thick black leggings or trousers. :( Awful.  This year I got sick of it. Why hide? Who's looking at me for goodness sake the World has far better things to do than to look and me and think "OMG look at her!" but I honestly used to believe they did. Stare at me. Think I was gross and disgusting just as I thought.

2 weeks ago I got hold of my two pairs of stretchy black trousers and cut the legs off. Shorts that happily fit over my larger belly. I've lived in them since! I've not got changed to walk to town, to go for coffee, to go to the shops. I am me. I went out as me! and guess what nobody said anything and I didn't look at the pavement. I didn't hunch my shoulders. I didn't dash back indoors and hide from the World, I went out. I enjoyed it. I walked tall with a smile and many smiled and said hi back to me!

I finally have confidence. I may not have a size 14 body yet, but I have something far better than that I feel happier. I can talk to people I don't know. I can go outside in shorts and not give a stuff what others think. So if like me you are hiding behind thick leggings, long tops, stretchy trousers. DON'T!!!! Be you! Be happy! Enjoy your life. 

I will be a size 14 and I will get there this year :) I am determined. I am actually beginning to believe I really can do this. I didn't believe I could before so I was never going to get there. My beliefs are changing :) I've changed so much in my life I am now only one step away from getting that size 14 body. Its quite a big step really. Abit like climbing a mountain, but imagine that sense of achievement when you get to the top of that mountain :) How amazing will that feel? I know how amazing it will feel. I can 'feel' what it will feel like. I can visualise it now :)  Look how long its taken me to truly believe that YES I CAN DO IT!

I have dealt with so much and now I'm on the last hurdle. My belief in me. My faith in me. Its been a long journey for me. Would I change it? NO.  Trevor says 'There is no failure only feedback' and he's right. Each blip, each tear, each hair pulled out in frustration is for a reason. We grow as we learn. I've learnt so much about me.

I have had the most stressful year possible but I have come out the other side. I am a confident woman again. I have a real smile :)